Hey there people, this is my first post on this site. I'm not sure if ill be a regular though. I guess It'll depend on what happens with this post. But anyways, lets get started:

I guess i should start by explaining to you what type of person i am. Well I'm in the thirties and i guess you could say I'm a romantic. Although if you saw me in person, you would definitely would not think so. I'm not sure why, but my first impression are not always the greatest. For some reason, people think I'm a meanie. Maybe its because i don't smile much but anyway, until recently i just haven't had that good a reason to do so. I cant complain about my life in general tho. I have a very good one. I have everything most people dream of having.  Yet deep inside, i just didn't feel happy. Overall though, I'm really am a really nice guy. Too nice sometimes. But anyways, you get the general idea.

Recently though, I've met someone. Now although this might not be a big deal to some people, it is to me. I mean don't get me wrong, i meet a lot of women. Thats not the problem here. The problem is that i meet very few of them that make me this happy. These past few weeks, I've incredibly happy for the first time in a long time. Actually to be honest, i don't think I've ever been this happy in my life. Ever. She motivates me, she makes me feel good and she makes me a better person overall. I'm loving who i am when I'm with her. But because of the type of person i am, its very difficult for women to give me a chance. Here's why:

I refuse to play "the game". I realize that in most cases its very good to act like you don't care to get someone even more interested you, but this really bugs me. It bugs me that i need to become a whole different person in order to convince this one that I'm worth a shot. Why is this so? Does this make sense to anyone? Why is it that the only way to convince someone you're worth a shot, is by pretending that you don't care and that you have no time for them? Why is it that showing genuine interest just doesn't cut it? Why is that just being there for her isn't enough?

To be honest, I'm just not that type of person. I can't be an ass and not be there when she needs me. I'm not built that way! I follow my heart and if i get up at 7am and i feel like sending her a message to wish her a good day, I'll do it. I don't think twice. Ever. I'm completely myself with her and yet, why do i feel like I'm losing her? Why do i feel like if i don't play this game, I'll lose her completely? I really don't understand. Should i become a complete prick, not call her, not return her calls, basically be a complete asshole? Is this the only way to get someone to love you? Why do they only remember the bad ones and never the good ones?

Why does this stupid game need to be played in order to have someone love you back? Why is it that love itself just isn't enough anymore?

I dunno. Maybe its me. Maybe i need to be more "mysterious". Who knows. But the fact that i need to become someone else entirely in order to keep a girl interested really make me question society in general. Am i an extinct race?

Anyway, i dunno if this is interesting but i need to vent. Thanks for listening.